Again, as far as differences go, let's just say they aren't the same. And they wouldn't all fit on one page. And face it, random is classier than miscillaneous, so, these are less classy in order to maintain a chaotic balance.

Don’t try to out-weird me. I get weirder things than you with my breakfast cereal.

Psychiatrists say 1 in 4 people is crazy. Check 3 friends. If they’re OK, you’re crazy!

When the going gets tough, use duct tape.

Ankh if you love Isis!

Always forgive your enemies—nothing annoys them more!

The truth is out there. Trust no one. Deny everything.

When spiders unite they can tie up a lion.

What’s an elephant doing in Seattle?

Rupert is not with us. He is in a happier place, called Rupertland. Is he a genius, or is he a fool?

The hardest thing is you really need to pee all the time. You know, surrounded by all that water...

I played Dumbledore as I am: A little winky. A little like a hippy, with his beard tied and tucked into his shirt. Why? Because it's funny!

I strongly disagree with the salad dressing.

One can look at vinaigrette from many angles. It's like electricity.

When will Uncle Zeno stop sending me such ugly shirts?

True or false: What is the bus driver's name?

Which tastes greater: ½ an apple pie, or ½ a pizza?

If mail + box = mailbox, does lipstick - stick = lip?

Does tunafish + tunafish = fournafish?

How do you think Thomas Jefferson feels about all this?

I break the chalk in half. I put the whole on the wall, and I jump out. I am free!

Rejoice would-be miscreants, your time has come!

Daniel Radcliffe wants you to check out his abs...

I was crispy.

Grint, he of the sad-eyed deadpan.

Who is this man, coming in here and giving us homework?

From the Indies to the Andes in his undies.

I'm not throwing these rocks. I'm swinging them around my body in a throwing motion.

Big kids scare the heck outta me.

Hypnotic Suggestions.

Squirrel Ranch.

I am not a waffle.

The sleep of reason produces flying sharks.

People: kind of a planetary epidemic.

Holy bears!

Bears and wolves and pronghorn, oh my!

Do not mark bacterial mats.

Icky bum!

Menanites in thongs.

Off to the Grand Tetons, we are!

Reflected the rays of the sun in more than oriental splendor.

I want a new duck.

Who do they think they are, those slime creatures from outer space?

Roly poly fish heads are never seen drinking cappuchino in Italian restaurants with oriental women...yeah...

That girl's so hot, she's Buffy.

You ask so many questions, which answer should I choose?

It this really Butte, Montana, or just existential blues?

The elusive butterfly has just tiptoed past my door.

Fossils: Remains to be seen.

Things just haven't been the same, since the flying saucers came.

It's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon.

I'm the King of yesterday.

Right, the people do...stuff...

When the wolves come out of the walls, it's all over.

I'm not stressed, just terribly, terribly alert.

Raising a teenager is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

Of course, in the peaceful stillness of the forest night, we must have sounded like water buffalo giving birth over a public-address system.

Today, a man decided to climb a telephone pole.

You can't prepare for all the burns on your butt.

Oops, I'm so sorry, are you dead now?

I have the heart of a small boy. It's in a jar on my desk.

I was so naive as a kid, I used to sneak around the barn and do nothing.

When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now, I realize I should have been more specific.

Hey, hand me that grand piano.

Bite the wax tadpole.

Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?

Isn't "yes" the only possible answer to the question, "Are you awake?"

If you look at a toilet, you will see that something is seriously wrong.

I just don't feel that my algebra teacher should ever know what my butt looks like.

This isn't nuclear physics, it's a game. How smart do you really have to be?

I didn't realize it was Happy Hopping Moron day.

Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Don't be a dork, eat with a fork.

Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.

Future fossil fuel, that's all I ever was. When I was a dinosaur.

Hemoblobin Hippo.

Do you wanna fall down? No I don't wanna do dat.

The greatest duos of all time have always come in pairs.

God bitch-slapped him down into the fiery pits of hell.

Ok, I get it. Jesus wanted us to eat him, but he didn't want us to become cannibals. So he turned himself into crackers.

Oh, now I see what you do for the gang. You're in charge of incoherent babbling.

We gotta make like your personality and split.

I think this movie would be better if I understood what was going on.

Basically, they're useful for all your blood-pool sucking-off needs.

Random butt rub.

Who wants more garlic on their fried eggs?

Wizard of Oz midget orgies.

Shakespeare hates reality TV.

Knowing in advance: ruins surprise?

Magic Iraqi women in space.

Gypsy-phobes and homophobes.

You can either calm down or I can pop you in the mouth.

Go forth and touch people.

She hums the old well-known air through innumerable variations.

The whole secret of the study of nature lies in learning hot to use one's eyes...

There is a road from the eye to the heart that does not go through the intellect.

If you cry over losing the sun, the tears make it impossible to see the stars.

Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven.

Come forth into the light of things.

Little fluffy rabbits who just don't want to live anymore.

Two rabbits juggling chisels during a total eclipse of the sun.

I feel like I'm on a boat.

It's the funniest, bunniest book I've ever read!

If you are a bunny contemplating suicide, then this is the book for you.

The most moving account of rabbit-related depression I can recall reading.

It will stay with me in my toilet for a long, long time.

You're as disgusting as a monkey in a negligee.

Most of us go the grave with the music still inside us.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?

Success: Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.

Failure: When your best just isn't good enough.

Goals: It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.

Pessimism: Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time, and most people won't notice until it's too late.

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair, and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking of doing that anyway.

Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round, metal hat.

There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something so simple as a pack of wolves.

Dad always taught us that laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

As the light turned from red to green to yellow, and back to red, I sat there thinking about life. Was is nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seems that way.

Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal trying to swim to shore, because, where does it think it's going?

If a dog somehow made it through a tropical storm and ended up at your doorstep, a good name for him would be Karl.

It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. Which I guess is what I like about it. Just sitting there, wanting more money...

Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming I just want to throw my head back and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears, because I am beautiful.

I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid.

I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, and I also wish my last name was Blankenship.

One day one of my nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh, laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

If I came back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing to do would be to land on someone's lip. Even if they smash you, ick! you're all over their lip!

I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for instance, could probably use a cheap ice pick.

I hope they never find out that lightning has a lot of vitamins, because do you hide from it or not?